In the past year I've had many breakdowns and few breakthroughs. Simply put, at this point in my life I have been resistant to any indication of what appears to be change. I think that alot of that can be attributed to what has been a marathon of events that has occurred in the past 4 years.
- I was living the fast paced single life and moved into a committed relationship.
- I started a new job.
- I moved further into the depths of my relationship by getting married and then
- I silenced the ticking of my biological clock with pregnancy followed by the arrival of our son,Tyson.
The idea of addtional change occasionally freaks me out. I 'm just trying to catch my breath! But alas, the one thing that is guaranteed in life is change. I have been resistant to making more breakthroughs in my life because doing so calls for change. It's impossible to make significant progress by doing the same thing all the time. I'm not doing myself any favours by fighting the inevitable; as a matter of fact in his book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle says it best: "“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
Today was one of those days where I was resisting. Who am I kidding, I wasn't resisting as much as I was fighting, clawing and flailing for some semblance of order. The more I fought, the worse things got and before I knew it I was a hot mess of tears in my office bathroom howling about life's horrible injustices. Then I decided that crying was futile and that I needed to sort my stuff out and get a grip. I had to just deal with the things that were in my control and let go of the things that weren't. It sounds simple in theory and it is in practice as well .... if you let it be.
When I finally stopped taking swings at the inevitable forces of change, things were far from perfect but they weren't as hard to deal with. Doris Day was onto something when she crooned, "Que sera sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see.... Que sera sera...."
<Sigh> So true.
The moral of the story? Choose your battles wisely my friends. Some are just not worth the fight.
Until next time....